Your True Self

Michael Jackson Impersonator

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Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? Am I a Michael Jackson impersonator, a mere copycat of Michael Jackson? Or am I a Moondancer that can be a living proof of my Moondancing philosophy?

In this article, I would like to write about how I find my true self through Moondancing, and hopefully it will inspire you to find your true self, too.

1.Identity Crisis

“Am I living in this world for just dying as nobody? What is the meaning of life?”

I had so many questions about my existence that I even write them down in a form of long poem when I was 18 years old. Yep, I have been a deep thinker, a passive young boy who rarely talks but observes and think deeply at that young age. I was forced to study specialized subjects “Math, Physics, Chemistry” while I am better at “Math, Literature, English”. I was directed to choose a good university while I want to be an artist. I was told to apply for a banking job while I have built my own personal brand “Tu Michael” as a Moondancer from the ground up quite successfully. I struggle with being an banker and a Moondancer. I am so proud of how I balance them all: both study and practice Moondancing, both having a well-paid job as a banker and doing a side hustle as a Moondancer. But it is extremely exhausting and lonely.

I see many youngsters facing similar situation. They are studying the things they don’t want, doing the job they don’t love, and gradually waste their time become an identity of a person so different from what they used to dream of. That's identity crisis - a very big problem in modern life.

2.What is my true self?

After so many struggles, I realize that my true self is my own presence in the here and now. It is not limited by time, space, nationality, or race. My true self is not an abstract idea like soul, spirit or something invisible. In contrast, it is something that I can touch and live in every moment.

Whether I practice Moondancing, or writing a blog post from bottom of my heart like this, I realize 2 main kinds of energy: mindfulness and concentration. That’s the moment I realize that I can find my true self in the full relaxation of my mind and body in the present moment. These 2 kinds of energy are so strong that none can take away from me. I can work in an office, do everything as my boss tell me to do, but none can take away my true self and my freedom. Unless I let them do it through my carelessness and forgetfulness. Yes, the sights and sounds of the world are not my enemies. The true enemy is forgetfulness. It is the absence of mindfulness.

3.Forgotten True Self

I almost forgot my true self completely when I had personal crisis, especially in 2022. Or even worse, I even turned myself into another true self that is evil and cruel.

In my darkest hour, I think of nothing but destroying myself. I wish I would not be existed in this world to suffer this pain or to cause pain to others. It was a horrifying nightmare for me. But at that moment, I thought about my dream when I was a child. I wanted to live. But what the meaning of living if everything will come to an end? What will people see me? I am so scared of revealing to the world about who I am. I am not that good boy people expect to see. I am not that perfect. I don’t want to be perfect anymore.

At that time, I wrote on my Facebook timeline in friends only mode:

“I am at lost, please tell me how you see me, no matter it is good or bad. I wish I could cry out loud as a child. I posted with an image of myself as a child with those sad dreamy eyes.”

I have always that sad dreamy look on my face. And I did not expect to receive so many comments from my friends, even from those who are supposed to dislike me or forget about me. Most of them regard me as a huge inspiration for them. They see me as a multi-talented guy whose lifestyle inspire them to be better. Some even noted how well they remembered me when studying with me in university. I was so moved that I dismissed any thought that can harm me or others. I would never think of suicide anymore. Life is too precious and those loving energies from my friends, though on Facebook and some even I don’t remember meeting or adding them as friend. From that moment, I know that I am on a journey of healing my inner world. I want to live. I don’t want to die. If I have to die, I want to die peacefully in bed surround with my beloved ones. I will tell them my stories to inspire them, to not repeat my faults and to live a better life, at least better than mine. I don’t want to die as a foolish adult jumping off a balcony of 27th floor apartment to receive sympathy and sorrow from others. I want to create positive impact on others, not regret or hatred. I want to be an ambassador of love and peace, not a warrior of hatred and anger.

4.How can I find my true self?

My mentor, business partner and friend, Hoang Xuong Nui gave me 2 keyword that I am deeply grateful til now: “set” and “setting”.

If it is too difficult to change the “set”, then try changing the “setting”.

Sounds confusing? Let me explain: I used to be so depressed that I did not take good care of myself. I did not eat. I drink a little of water just to survive. I locked myself in my apartment which became a mess. My appearence and thoughts are “set”, and my surroundings are “settings”.

As soon as I heard those 2 keywords, I felt enlightment. I rushed to the barber to have my hair cut. I cleaned my apartment to be more organized. I threw away rubbish, hid away things that brought sad memories, only kept the things that bring good memories and inspire me to grow. And from the moment on, I gradually to take back my strength. It was a long and hard journey. I even failed along the way due to so many unexpected crisis. I will write in other articles. But whenever I felt down, I always refer back to my mentor’s keywords: “set” and “setting”.

So, if you feel angry with someone and think that you cannot control your anger (set), please take a deep breath and change your surrounding (setting). Maybe you should go outside, or stay in different room, or take a day-off from your busy work to relax, to do nothing. It is you that matters. Your work can be done by others. And there are plenty of other works for you to do.

5.Finding my true self through Moondancing

When I want stop speaking and thinking, I often turn on the music to dance. At that time, I can enjoy deeply my in- and out-breath. You can tell by watching me breathing deeply after every performance. Oh, and Michael Jackson did it, too. Just by breathing in and out deeply, we are reaching our true self and experience the miracles of life.

Why? Because when I breathe in, I bring all myself together, body and mind. Especially when I dance, I become one with the music. I really encourage you to try it. Just play your favorite song, listen to it. Think of nothing. Let yourself sink into the song. Equipped with energy of mindfulness and concentration, you can feel your body want to move along with the melody. That’s the cue! That’s the moment you should definitely take a step and make your body move.

Remember, dance is emotion in motion!

And Moondancing is the dance of miracles, the dance of mindfulness. If you can make a slight motion with mindfulness, you have made a great success. And if you can take one mindful movement, you can take another and another. Until you become one with the dance and music. At that moment, you have the insight that this is your true self. That means you are alive. You are fully present. You are touching life and life is touching you as reality. Your true self is a solid reality that you can dance with your feet, touch with your hands and communicate with your mind.

6.The most sacred connection between mind and body

It is fundamental that you communicate your true self and realize that your true self is the “here and now”. All of us have the seed of mindfulness and concentration within. When you dance, you activate a source of energy to grow this seed. As I mention above, just by taking a mindful breath or a mindful Moondancing movement to the music, I can bring my mind back to my body.

“But Tu Michael, isn’t my mind always attached to my body already?” You may ask.

Are you sure about that? Your brain is attached physically to your body, but I doubt about your mind. Is your mind reading this article with 100% concentration without doing anything else?

In your daily life, your body and mind often go into 2 different directions. You are often in a state of distraction: mind in one place, body in another. But between your mind and your body there is something: your breath! This is the most sacred connection between mind and body that you must pay attention. As soon as you dance, or rather, move your body to the music with full awareness of your breath, your body and mind come together very quickly.

My final tip for you:

While breathing in, you don’t think of anything; you just focus your attention on your in-breath. That’s the moment you become your in-breath. That’s the moment you have gained concentration on your breath. Breath in, then breath out, repeat and so on. In just one moment, you will feel that your body and mind come together. And suddenly you find yourself fully present, fully alive. That’s the moment your true self appears.

In conclusion, after so many crises, I realize that my true self is in the here and now. Every title, certification, material possession, is just a label. And you can find your true self by simply focus on your breath. However, in order to maintain your true self’s existence, you need concentration. You need to focus on what really matters at the moment. And I must admit that it is extremely hard to focus while living in the world full of distraction. So, I will write another article about concentration.

Goodbye for now. May God bless you all.

From Tu Michael with L.O.V.E